On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i will never coherently bang her
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize