grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
