i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
