Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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