beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
