youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
