Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
