Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
