the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
