i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
