At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize