my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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