Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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