Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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