I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize