Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
