Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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