i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
