I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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