I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
