He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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