O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
