I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
