Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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