So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
