Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
