I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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