im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
