Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
