He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
