Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
