I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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