So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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