a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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