So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
