so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
smell my finger.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize