So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Never joke about your clitoris.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
