are you still at the devil's house?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
