I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
His nipple licking is glorious
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