she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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