I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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