NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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