So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
