Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
