We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
