I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
