Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Drake has all the answers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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