i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
