Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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