He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We named our party play list daddy issues
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
