Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
