I just pynch a tree in the face
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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