I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
