We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
