so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
