i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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