I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
