I heard we made out
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
