listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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