Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can i not drive my cunt home
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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