I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
