I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
