rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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