Umm I'm too high to move.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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