So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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