Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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