i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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