we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
